Oh WOW! I hear the coyotes tonight. Where I live borders on tribal land. I get to see lots of wildlife. (like the tortoise during the summer). There are always lots of rabbits and I sometimes hear owls.
The owls bring back memories of my childhood. We had 5 very old Pecan trees in our yard. Every once in a while it would sound like the owls were having a convention in our trees. They would hoot all night long. When I was small it was scarey but not I would appreciate it.
I had a long week. I was off on Monday due to a holiday. I started losing my voice late that afternoon and it is just now getting better. The doctor called in a prescription after a couple of days playing phone tag. But, the fatigue I've been battling with is just about to do me in. The doctor said that we would take a look at how I feel after this round of medicine. It's not fun to ache all over and be soooooo tired to boot.
Saturday, January 22, 2011
Sunday, January 16, 2011
It's gonna be a long night
It's 9pm and I can already tell that it's going to be a rough night. I don't know why the pain is worse tonight. Actually I have been in pain most of the day. I'm trying to pinpoint the cause with little success.
The fatigue is really doing a number on me. Friday night, I went out to eat with friends. Naturally, the restuarant was at the back of the building. I was worn out by the time we got into the restuarant and got seated. As it was a buffet, I sat and rested while my friends went to fill their plates. The food was excellant but I must of eaten something that didn't agree with me (Fibro messes up your digestive system, too) as I was sick later that night. By the time we walked back out to the vehicle, I was past worn out; I was exhausted. Yesterday I didn't feel like doing much of anything. I rested.
I was still tired when I got up this morning. As I said, the fatigue is kicking my hiney. My hands are cramping, my legs ache and I can't find a comfortable position in my chair (which is broken and is going out the door tomorrow). I ache all over and the pain med that the doctor prescribed does very little. I have a tape of sounds that I listen to and try to relax. The problem is I didn't realize the batteries in the cd player are almost out of juice and I don't have enough new one - I'm 1 short.
It should be a interesting night.
The fatigue is really doing a number on me. Friday night, I went out to eat with friends. Naturally, the restuarant was at the back of the building. I was worn out by the time we got into the restuarant and got seated. As it was a buffet, I sat and rested while my friends went to fill their plates. The food was excellant but I must of eaten something that didn't agree with me (Fibro messes up your digestive system, too) as I was sick later that night. By the time we walked back out to the vehicle, I was past worn out; I was exhausted. Yesterday I didn't feel like doing much of anything. I rested.
I was still tired when I got up this morning. As I said, the fatigue is kicking my hiney. My hands are cramping, my legs ache and I can't find a comfortable position in my chair (which is broken and is going out the door tomorrow). I ache all over and the pain med that the doctor prescribed does very little. I have a tape of sounds that I listen to and try to relax. The problem is I didn't realize the batteries in the cd player are almost out of juice and I don't have enough new one - I'm 1 short.
It should be a interesting night.
Friday, January 14, 2011
The wonderful world of medication side effects. Whee!
I finally researched a little bit tonight the latest prescription drug the doctor prescribed for my fibro aches and pain. It seems that I have a couple of the known side effects - dry mouth (I have been wondering why all of sudden my mouth is always so dry), fatigue (went out to eat with some friends at a place across the river and was totally worn out by the time we walked back to the truck), some mental fog (I've made a few stupid mistakes lately on things that I always thought I could do in my sleep), and a slight case of tremors in my hands (especially noticable when trying to pick up sushi with chop sticks and get it in my mouth).
Don't get me wrong. The med has helped with the aches and pains. They don't wake me up in the middle of the night like they did before. So...do I want less pain and more fatigue, et al or vice versa. I need to think about that.
Don't get me wrong. The med has helped with the aches and pains. They don't wake me up in the middle of the night like they did before. So...do I want less pain and more fatigue, et al or vice versa. I need to think about that.
Thursday, January 13, 2011
Toxic Relationships
At the moment, I am upset with myself and the fact that I have briefly returned to my "doormat" ways. I am trying to overcome the need to have everyone like me, and of trying to be a "people pleaser".
There are a couple of people in my life that have the need to either question everything I do or to "helpfully" point out my mistakes. I will be the first to admit that I do make mistakes. (I've made some doosys) And, I should know that as a church secretary, there will always be someone right there to point them out.
I am trying to have a healthy outlook on life. I would prefer to think that the glass is half full. I enjoy my job - most of the time. I enjoy helping people, whether at work or when I am out and about. I have spent way too much time having a negative outlook. It's more fun to to smile and be pleasant and helpful to others. But, I have to remember to have healthy boundaries.
I know that I need to have a thicker skin. The two toxic people are unhappy, negative people. I can't change their attitude, but I can change mine. It just isn't easy to do.
There are a couple of people in my life that have the need to either question everything I do or to "helpfully" point out my mistakes. I will be the first to admit that I do make mistakes. (I've made some doosys) And, I should know that as a church secretary, there will always be someone right there to point them out.
I am trying to have a healthy outlook on life. I would prefer to think that the glass is half full. I enjoy my job - most of the time. I enjoy helping people, whether at work or when I am out and about. I have spent way too much time having a negative outlook. It's more fun to to smile and be pleasant and helpful to others. But, I have to remember to have healthy boundaries.
I know that I need to have a thicker skin. The two toxic people are unhappy, negative people. I can't change their attitude, but I can change mine. It just isn't easy to do.
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
It's been too long
I have been lax in blogging. I am now in my RV (or tortoise shell). A friend has RV hookups on her place and is lettinge rent a space from her. (I call it my tortiose shell as they carry their home with them. I got to see a desert tortiose up close.)
Life has thrown a few curve balls my way since I last blogged. I finally faced up to what has caused me to be depressed, a doormat, and to have a low self esteem for most of my life. I have often reacted in very emotional and inappropriate ways. It all points back to my early childhood when I had things happen to me that should not happen to a child.
A dear friend kept telling me I needed to go to the support group that she had started at our church for survivors of childhood sexual abuse. I kept telling her that I didn't need it, I am ok. But, I wasn't. Once I joined the group, I was able to deal with things that I had stuffed down and didn't want to admit happened. I even stood before our congregation and "outed" myself as a survivor. I hoped to encourage others that had suffered to join us in our journey to recovery.
I have learned in the group how to set up healthy boundaries. I have learned how to identify "triggers" for the old behavior. One thing I have decided is that negative people are toxic for me. I have to walk away from those types of relationships.
I've made some changes. I care a little more about putting on makeup. I don't care as much about what people think about my clothes. I wear shorts and a tank top sometimes during the summer! I've even put on a bathing suit and played in the icy cold Colorado River when it's 120 degrees! I'm having fun! Before I just wanted to be covered up. Now, it's a very rare occasion when I wear a dress. My wardrobe is mostly jeans and t shirts, capris and t shirts, comfortable clothes suited for the climate.
Another curve ball thrown my way is I have been told that I have Fibromyalgia. Fun stuff. I have aches and pains all over my body and am learning that I have to pace myself so that I don't run out of energy. I'm adapting. I trying to change my diet (which is really difficult when you love sweet, chocolate things like I do.). But, I can tell the difference in how I feel when I eat a more healthy meal than when I eat all of the "yummy, bad for me" stuff.
2011 is underway and I am looking forward to what God has in store for me. It may be blessings or hard places. But, I am trying to allow Him to guide me through.
Life has thrown a few curve balls my way since I last blogged. I finally faced up to what has caused me to be depressed, a doormat, and to have a low self esteem for most of my life. I have often reacted in very emotional and inappropriate ways. It all points back to my early childhood when I had things happen to me that should not happen to a child.
A dear friend kept telling me I needed to go to the support group that she had started at our church for survivors of childhood sexual abuse. I kept telling her that I didn't need it, I am ok. But, I wasn't. Once I joined the group, I was able to deal with things that I had stuffed down and didn't want to admit happened. I even stood before our congregation and "outed" myself as a survivor. I hoped to encourage others that had suffered to join us in our journey to recovery.
I have learned in the group how to set up healthy boundaries. I have learned how to identify "triggers" for the old behavior. One thing I have decided is that negative people are toxic for me. I have to walk away from those types of relationships.
I've made some changes. I care a little more about putting on makeup. I don't care as much about what people think about my clothes. I wear shorts and a tank top sometimes during the summer! I've even put on a bathing suit and played in the icy cold Colorado River when it's 120 degrees! I'm having fun! Before I just wanted to be covered up. Now, it's a very rare occasion when I wear a dress. My wardrobe is mostly jeans and t shirts, capris and t shirts, comfortable clothes suited for the climate.
Another curve ball thrown my way is I have been told that I have Fibromyalgia. Fun stuff. I have aches and pains all over my body and am learning that I have to pace myself so that I don't run out of energy. I'm adapting. I trying to change my diet (which is really difficult when you love sweet, chocolate things like I do.). But, I can tell the difference in how I feel when I eat a more healthy meal than when I eat all of the "yummy, bad for me" stuff.
2011 is underway and I am looking forward to what God has in store for me. It may be blessings or hard places. But, I am trying to allow Him to guide me through.
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