It's been too long

I have been lax in blogging. I am now in my RV (or tortoise shell). A friend has RV hookups on her place and is lettinge rent a space from her. (I call it my tortiose shell as they carry their home with them. I got to see a desert tortiose up close.)

Life has thrown a few curve balls my way since I last blogged. I finally faced up to what has caused me to be depressed, a doormat, and to have a low self esteem for most of my life. I have often reacted in very emotional and inappropriate ways. It all points back to my early childhood when I had things happen to me that should not happen to a child.

A dear friend kept telling me I needed to go to the support group that she had started at our church for survivors of childhood sexual abuse. I kept telling her that I didn't need it, I am ok. But, I wasn't. Once I joined the group, I was able to deal with things that I had stuffed down and didn't want to admit happened. I even stood before our congregation and "outed" myself as a survivor. I hoped to encourage others that had suffered to join us in our journey to recovery.

I have learned in the group how to set up healthy boundaries. I have learned how to identify "triggers" for the old behavior. One thing I have decided is that negative people are toxic for me. I have to walk away from those types of relationships.

I've made some changes. I care a little more about putting on makeup. I don't care as much about what people think about my clothes. I wear shorts and a tank top sometimes during the summer! I've even put on a bathing suit and played in the icy cold Colorado River when it's 120 degrees! I'm having fun! Before I just wanted to be covered up. Now, it's a very rare occasion when I wear a dress. My wardrobe is mostly jeans and t shirts, capris and t shirts, comfortable clothes suited for the climate.

Another curve ball thrown my way is I have been told that I have Fibromyalgia. Fun stuff. I have aches and pains all over my body and am learning that I have to pace myself so that I don't run out of energy. I'm adapting. I trying to change my diet (which is really difficult when you love sweet, chocolate things like I do.). But, I can tell the difference in how I feel when I eat a more healthy meal than when I eat all of the "yummy, bad for me" stuff.

2011 is underway and I am looking forward to what God has in store for me. It may be blessings or hard places. But, I am trying to allow Him to guide me through.